Sounds like CoD? Call of Duty?
Hahahaha. Talk about CoD, my first time playing CoD was with Captain Awesome when we were still friends. And that bum bum sabotage me by stabbing me from behind while I was hiding and avoiding from being shot. Dang. Hmmmp!! .____.
Okay okay. Back to our topic - OCD.
OCD is short for Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.
It is an anxiety disorder in which people have unwanted and repeated thoughts, feelings, ideas, sensations (obsessions), or behaviors that make them feel driven to do something (compulsions).
Like a needle getting stuck on an old record, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) causes the brain to get stuck on a particular thought or urge. For example, you may check the stove twenty times to make sure it’s really turned off, wash your hands until they’re scrubbed raw, or drive around for hours to make sure that the bump you heard while driving wasn’t a person you ran over.
Like a needle getting stuck on an old record, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) causes the brain to get stuck on a particular thought or urge. For example, you may check the stove twenty times to make sure it’s really turned off, wash your hands until they’re scrubbed raw, or drive around for hours to make sure that the bump you heard while driving wasn’t a person you ran over.
Sounds scary? Do I look scary to you? :(
Don't worry, I don't have repeated thoughts, ideas or feelings of killing somebody. LOL.
My problem is this: Being overly tidy. :) Have you seen people who wash their hands for 5 minutes at the sink and won't leave the bathroom though they're already really clean? They too suffer from OCD.
It was really, really hard for me.
I had to make sure that things were in order before I leave the room.
I had to make sure that the carpet is in line with the floor tiles.
I had to put my books at a "correct" angle.
My clothes are folded into the same size and has to be precisely stacked on top of one another.
I go to supermarkets and arrange their cans and bottles at a certain same angle for them.
The list goes on and on. And the worst part is, I don't do this once a day. I check each of them REPEATEDLY. I could spend 20 minutes keeping a book, making sure it's precisely angled to the corner. Sigh.
It got to a point that it really interfered with my daily life. I couldn't go out of the house without making sure that the carpets were flat on the ground. And even when I was out, I'd be anxiously thinking if my books were orderly arranged or my mom would pull one of my clothes out from my closet and "ruin" the whole arrangement.
I knew something was very wrong with me. And I knew I couldn't possible go on like this. I couldn't tell others about my problem because I felt like I was some sort of freak. I was shy and scared. So I prayed. I prayed because I don't know what else to do. I don't know how to help myself anymore.
And so God sent me away from home. Far away from my own comfort zone. And that's when things started to change. :)
I met my roommate, Jennifer in University, who always messes things up. A.L.W.A.Y.S.
I clean up, she messes up. I clean up again, she messes up again. All my proper arrangements, orderly stacked clothes, all the cleaning just seem to go to waste with her around. And it got to a point where I got so frustrated and I just stop cleaning and arranging things so meticulously. And that was when I realize, that my life didn't actually fall apart just because I don't put my clothes according to size or color. And in fact I feel more relieved when I actually let certain things be the way it is.
Not everything needs to be in perfect order, right? :)
Did I go for psychotherapy? No I didn't. Did I take medications? No I did not.
I placed my faith and trust in God. Have you heard of a statement that goes like this: "God will not help you if you don't help yourself." That's sooooo NOT true. I couldn't help myself.
Which is why I let God do His work in me. I guess I'm a living testimony now. :)
I'm still a tidy person. Ask Jennifer. Or Captain Awesome. Or my brother. Or my parents. LOL. :) I love cleaning up. But instead of it controlling me, I'm controlling it. I no longer get anxious or worried when I don't fold my clothes accordingly, though I still take longer than normal people to fold clothes laaa. Hehe. But I'm better now. I'm no longer ashamed to admit that I have OCD, because I've conquered it. :)
If anyone of you out there is suffering from the same problem, leave me a comment. If you're shy, comment as anonymous. We all need someone to talk to, eventually. :)
Don't worry, I don't have repeated thoughts, ideas or feelings of killing somebody. LOL.
My problem is this: Being overly tidy. :) Have you seen people who wash their hands for 5 minutes at the sink and won't leave the bathroom though they're already really clean? They too suffer from OCD.
It was really, really hard for me.
I had to make sure that things were in order before I leave the room.
I had to make sure that the carpet is in line with the floor tiles.
I had to put my books at a "correct" angle.
My clothes are folded into the same size and has to be precisely stacked on top of one another.
I go to supermarkets and arrange their cans and bottles at a certain same angle for them.
The list goes on and on. And the worst part is, I don't do this once a day. I check each of them REPEATEDLY. I could spend 20 minutes keeping a book, making sure it's precisely angled to the corner. Sigh.
It got to a point that it really interfered with my daily life. I couldn't go out of the house without making sure that the carpets were flat on the ground. And even when I was out, I'd be anxiously thinking if my books were orderly arranged or my mom would pull one of my clothes out from my closet and "ruin" the whole arrangement.
I knew something was very wrong with me. And I knew I couldn't possible go on like this. I couldn't tell others about my problem because I felt like I was some sort of freak. I was shy and scared. So I prayed. I prayed because I don't know what else to do. I don't know how to help myself anymore.
And so God sent me away from home. Far away from my own comfort zone. And that's when things started to change. :)
I met my roommate, Jennifer in University, who always messes things up. A.L.W.A.Y.S.
I clean up, she messes up. I clean up again, she messes up again. All my proper arrangements, orderly stacked clothes, all the cleaning just seem to go to waste with her around. And it got to a point where I got so frustrated and I just stop cleaning and arranging things so meticulously. And that was when I realize, that my life didn't actually fall apart just because I don't put my clothes according to size or color. And in fact I feel more relieved when I actually let certain things be the way it is.
Not everything needs to be in perfect order, right? :)
Did I go for psychotherapy? No I didn't. Did I take medications? No I did not.
I placed my faith and trust in God. Have you heard of a statement that goes like this: "God will not help you if you don't help yourself." That's sooooo NOT true. I couldn't help myself.
Which is why I let God do His work in me. I guess I'm a living testimony now. :)
I'm still a tidy person. Ask Jennifer. Or Captain Awesome. Or my brother. Or my parents. LOL. :) I love cleaning up. But instead of it controlling me, I'm controlling it. I no longer get anxious or worried when I don't fold my clothes accordingly, though I still take longer than normal people to fold clothes laaa. Hehe. But I'm better now. I'm no longer ashamed to admit that I have OCD, because I've conquered it. :)
If anyone of you out there is suffering from the same problem, leave me a comment. If you're shy, comment as anonymous. We all need someone to talk to, eventually. :)
3 comments:
High 5!!! *piak* 物以类聚，人以群分. my worst moment was the next day i have exam and got distracted with the arrangements by my maid. couldn't concentrate on my revision and kept crying and in anger. i have to stop my revision and rearrange everything then only i can continue with my revision peacefully. LOL but i'm all good now though im still OCD. mild OCD...
I dont have OCD, but I have stammering since i was 6 years old till now, and I have anxiety attacks. (I'm sure you already know about this, just wanted to 'pinjam' ur blog to share with others haha...) Before my change, I went for psychotherapy and went with medications. Horrible medications as after you had 1 tablet, you went to sleep for 6-7 hours, wake up feeling numb of emotions for the next 2-3 hours. The psychotherapist couldn't help either, they kept telling me they don't know what is wrong with me... Had a horrible childhood living with stammering as people who don't understand you laugh at you when you try to talk to them. Even school teachers did that to me. One day, I told myself its okay, I'm special. No one else I know stammers besides Adrian Tan himself. I just stopped worrying, and started living and it became lesser and lesser day after day. I still have it now, but I believe God has plans and its with me for a reason =)
Thanks for sharing peeps. :)
I'm sure these little little stories would definitely be able to help someone. :)
Sometimes, God allows certain things to happen to us, so that we can overcome it and help others. Everything happens for a reason. We may not understand it today, but someday when we look back, we'll be able to smile and say "Now I understand". :)
So til then, keep hanging on! :)
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